We go to great lengths to learn languages – first at home, then at school and then in courses or self-study. English is very popular as an international business language, but the languages of countries that are currently experiencing an economic boom are also spreading rapidly across the continents. One language, however, is disappearing more and more into the passive sidelines without us consciously realizing it. Yet it has the greatest significance for all people across all borders: body language. The popular series “Lie to me” has made it clear on a broad scale that it is time we brought body language back into everyday use. What is already proving to be exciting in private life is more indispensable than ever in professional negotiation situations.
Brave new world
“What do you want from me?” Skepticism still dominates the facial expressions here. We communicate a lot and often. We live in a world in which information and communication now have an exceptionally high dominance in all areas of life. But have we also become better at understanding what we receive? Have we learned to express ourselves more clearly so that our messages really get through? There is a lot to be said against it. Especially in modern companies and organizations, employees and managers suffer from the daily flood of information.
A permanently overflowing email inbox and the constant beeping of our smartphones are increasingly dominating our work and daily routines. We inform ourselves in online forums, join communities and surf through virtual worlds. The effort involved is enormous. Many people are completely “online” both professionally and privately. Being well informed suggests a knowledge advantage. This leaves us too little time for mental and emotional processing and even less for direct communication and encounters with conversation partners. Our very own abilities of perception, above all communication with body language signals, are therefore in a process of progressive degeneration. Unused and unpracticed, they hide more and more in the subconscious. The less practice we have in interpreting body language, the less we use it specifically in conversations. Our body language skills slowly fall asleep, creating a vicious circle that feeds on itself and whose development spiral leads steeply downwards.
The body speaks for our soul
“I don’t really know yet.” The dismissive gesture is only an act, curiosity dominates the expression. The very first language we humans learn and show is body language. Whether we are feeling well, hungry, want affection or simply need some peace and quiet – even as babies and toddlers we express ourselves quite clearly. We are practically born with the ability to use this language and – in principle – never lose it. However, if we don’t use it consciously, if we don’t practise reading this language, then it becomes subconscious and out of our cognitive reach. Although we feel and sense something when we perceive a conversation partner, we cannot concretely incorporate the signals into our communication behavior. Body language requires just as much practice in use as all other forms of expression that we have at our disposal. The signals on a body language level do not correspond directly to our verbal language, which we use all the time. It is much more closely linked to our emotions than to our intellect. Samy Molcho, mime artist and teacher, put it wonderfully: “The body is the glove of the soul, its language the word of the heart.” And our feelings don’t lie. The mind may plan, calculate and display conscious behavior. However, our feelings take place in the here and now, they are acute and moment-related. Body language is an immediate reaction to everything that happens in our immediate surroundings that we can perceive – especially in direct communication situations. It speaks and expresses what is happening inside us, what attitude we have towards something, what feelings we have about something or a person we are talking to.
Only context creates clarity
Body language code: Only the combination of several aspects creates the right understandingImportant in this context: we feel before we think! This is why body language often shows much more and much more clearly what our mouth announces. Occasionally, we even say the opposite of what we actually feel, think or strive for. So how can we decode these signals, make them understandable to us and use them? To do this, we should differentiate between two types of signals. There are signals that are a kind of conscious agreement. For example, when we count with our hands and fingers: One, two, three. Then our conversation partner knows quite well that this is a numerical code. There are many of these signals and they are linked to the culture in which they are used. One example: While in Germany we extend one finger after the other from the closed hand to count up, in southern Italy this takes place in exactly the opposite direction: There, the outstretched fingers are closed one by one to count up. For all these consciously agreed signals, we therefore need the “local” code that results from the respective culture. The signals that are innate to humans, on the other hand, can be understood across cultural boundaries. They are essentially derived from our bodily functions or from the body parts that are associated with them. Here are a few examples: If we touch our ear during a conversation in direct response to a statement made by the other person, this can mean: “I haven’t quite understood that yet.” As if we were checking the functionality of our ear. If, on the other hand, we touch our nose in the same situation or even pinch it shut, this can mean: “What you’re saying to me right now stinks. I’ll pinch my nose so I don’t have to smell it.” But is that always the case? A clear “yes and no”. Body language always takes place in the context of other events. Our nose may have itched because we have a cold and we may have touched our ear because our half-length hair was tickling us. Posture, facial expressions and gestures are linked to all other processes and events during a communication process. Therefore, they only become “speaking” and meaningful when they are perceived and interpreted in combination.
Open or closed, true or false?
Everything is okay now: “I feel safe.”Basic body language elements are opening and closing. An outstretched, open hand offers, whereas folded arms tend to repel. An open facial expression signals: “I am open to your ideas and thoughts.” Narrowed eyes make skepticism clear.
The combination of these signals clearly shows the person consciously perceiving whether the other person is telling the truth, hiding their opinion or even lying. Easy to recognize? No, by no means. But it can be learned with specialist knowledge and good training.
Use in practice
For professionals in business and society, but also for private individuals with strong communication skills, decoding body language offers excellent opportunities to expand communication and negotiation skills. Interlocutors can be better understood and one’s own messages can be communicated more clearly and effectively. Whether in political encounters, discussions between entrepreneurs and works councils, sales situations or in disputes with people with whom we have important matters to clarify – as human beings, we are dependent on achieving well-functioning communication. We want to know whether the person we are talking to really means what they say. We want to know where we stand and feel more clearly where we stand on the issues being discussed. The good news is that reading and understanding body language information in particular can be learned and trained in a very short time.
In very special situations and during important negotiations, body language coaches, such as communication coaches in business and politics, are increasingly being called in today. They take on the task of creating more clarity by analyzing the body language signals of the negotiating partners in parallel to the verbal discussion: Who is talking about real issues, who is constructing something, who still has doubts, who is already comfortable with the results of the discussion?