The digital transformation is radically changing our world. It is also changing the way we communicate and interact with each other. We no longer even need the simultaneity of time and space to meet and exchange ideas with others. Whether in a web meeting, a YouTube clip or directly via Facetime on a smartphone – we have created a broad technical basis to reshape our communication. The transmission of images and therefore also of body language is essential for the impact of our messages to others, or, when we receive them, for understanding the messages that reach us. Being able to consciously understand and use body language signals is helpful in the private sphere and indispensable for professionals.
The body always speaks with
The very first language we humans learn and show is body language. Regardless of whether we are feeling well, hungry,
affection or simply need some peace and quiet – even as babies and toddlers we express ourselves quite clearly. We are practically born with the ability to use this language and it is part of us throughout our lives. However, if we don’t use it consciously, if we don’t practise using this language, then it slips into our subconscious abilities. These are then available to us more intuitively and no longer as tangible communication tools within our cognitive reach. Although we feel and sense something when we perceive a conversation partner, we are unable to incorporate the signals concretely enough into our behavior towards ourselves and others. Body language requires just as much practice in use as all other forms of expression that we have at our disposal. The signals on a body language level do not correspond directly to our verbal language, which we use all the time. It is much more closely linked to our emotions than to our intellect. Samy Molcho, mime artist and teacher, expressed this wonderfully: “The body is the glove of the soul, its language the word of the heart.”
And our feelings don’t lie. The mind may plan, calculate and display conscious behavior. However, our feelings take place in the here and now, they are acute and moment-related. Body language is an immediate reaction to everything that happens in our immediate environment that we can perceive – especially in direct communication situations. It speaks and expresses what is happening inside us, what attitude we take towards something, what feelings we have towards an offer, a situation or a conversation partner.
If you can see, you have a clear advantage
Important in this context: we feel before we think! Body language usually shows much more and much more clearly what we really mean, instead of what our mouth proclaims. Often enough, we even say the opposite of what we actually feel, think or strive for. So how can we decode these signals, make them understandable for us and use them?
Natural and cultural
We should differentiate between two types of signals. There are signals that are a kind of conscious agreement. For example, when we count with our hands and fingers: “One, two, three,…”. Our conversation partner then knows very well that this is a numerical code. There are many of these signals and they are linked to the culture in which they are used.
An example: We Germans typically start counting with a closed fist. The thumb stands for one, the index and middle fingers are two and three. The four requires a little more dexterity, because the little one on the edge always wants to move up to fill the five. Americans do it a little more skillfully. They start counting with their index finger, which is really easier because you can suppress the little finger with your thumb when you count three. The latter is only used for the five.
This gets a little more complicated with the Chinese, where the finger signs of just one hand can be used to count up to ten. So misunderstandings between people from different cultures are built in if we don’t know each other’s sign code.
In contrast, the signals innate to humans are understandable across cultural boundaries. They are essentially derived from our body parts and their functions. Examples: If, during a conversation, we touch our ear in direct response to a statement made by the other person, this can mean: “I haven’t quite understood that yet”. As if we were checking the functionality of our ear. If, on the other hand, we touch our nose in the same situation or even pinch it shut, this can mean: “What you’re saying to me right now stinks. I’ll pinch my nose so I don’t have to smell it”. But is that always the case? A clear YES. Body language always takes place in contact with other events. So our nose may have itched and we may have grabbed our ear because the half-length hair there tickled us. Posture, facial expressions and gestures are, as with our verbal communication, linked to all other processes and events in the current situation. Therefore, they only become “meaningful” when they are perceived and interpreted in combination.
Open or closed, true or false?
Basic body language elements are opening and closing. An outstretched, open hand offers, whereas folded arms tend to repel. An open facial expression signals: “I am open to your ideas and thoughts”. Narrowed eyes and a tilted head make skepticism clear.
The combination of these signals clearly shows the person consciously perceiving whether the other person is telling the truth, hiding their opinion or even lying. Easy to recognize? No, not at all. But it can be learned with a little specialist knowledge and good training.
A small checklist for deciphering the code
Hierarchy: Many signals indicate the relationship of the interlocutors in terms of their position, hierarchy.
Timing: Gestures almost always come BEFORE the verbal message!
Natural or cultural: innate (human) body language or agreed signs?
Positive / Negative: Upward movements and signs usually indicate positive things, downward negative things.
Man / woman: Different physique. This results in typical male and female movements and postures.
Context: Body language is tied to real time and must be seen in the context of the current situation.
A world full of possibilities
For professionals in politics, business and society, but also for communication-oriented private individuals, decoding body language offers excellent opportunities to improve their communication skills. Interlocutors can be better understood and one’s own messages can be communicated more clearly and effectively. Whether in political encounters or in discussions between entrepreneurs and works councils, whether in sales situations or simply when interacting with people, body language is always involved. We want to be understood. We want to know whether the person we are talking to really means what they are saying. We want to know where we stand and feel more clearly how we ourselves feel about the things being discussed. All of this can be learned and trained. In very special situations and during important negotiations, body language coaches are often called in, for example as communication coaches in business and politics. They take on the task – parallel to the verbal discussion – of creating more clarity by analyzing the body language signals of the negotiating partners. Who is talking about the facts? Who is making things up and trying to deceive? Who still has doubts and who is already comfortable with the results of the talks?
What if politicians understood each other better on the world stage? What if we understood each other better in our own little world?
The truth is in the eye of the beholder
by Karl Heinz A. Lorenz, trainer at Lorenz-Seminare